Relief

The rain is pouring and the sky is grey.

 I love this weather.

It's such a relief after the last few weeks of boiling temperatures to see the sky give way. I honestly don't like to wish time away but I really can't wait for Autumn.
Do you know what I love about Autumn? The weather, the leaves, the smells, the colours, the fruits and harvest, the colourful skys, the shortening days and lengthening nights, the promise of cosy nights in, scalves, hats & gloves, Holloween (Samhain) and Bonfire night....
It's an endless list because it is the time of year that sings to me!

I think we all have a season that resonates within us, makes us feel empowered and full of wonder. For some people it is the freezing depths of winter, glistening snow and the soft twinkle of Christmas/Yule lights that brings them to life. For others it is the gentle spring, the first wild flowers, the world awakening and the days beginning to lengthen that carries promise, and then there are those reveling in the current climate of summer, the intense heat, the promise of sun and almost endless days of light that energises their spirit.

I'm definately an Autumn person.

I spent all night packing things up in my flat. I'd rather just get on with it and feel like I'm moving forward, the waiting around bothers me. I have a promising flat share to see on Friday, and I'm hoping it works out. To pass the time, I'd like to invite anyone and everyone to my flat to have a root through the books I have that I want to shift and some pretty ornaments and trinkets, too. I will even make you a cup of tea (Or coffee. Pick your poison, I have loads of both).

So I suppose that right now I feel quite alive and positive. It's nice to have some of the bounce back in my step. It's a relief the clouds have lifted from my mind and it's a relief the sky has caved outside. Just the way it ought to be!

Enjoy the rain x

Sometimes I Have Strength and Sometimes I Borrow It

Sometimes things feel out of my control, out of my depth to deal with.
During these times I have a tendency to bury my head in the sand and wait things out, hoping they’ll just get better on their own accord.  

Problems don’t really work like that.

When I have my own children, I will make sure they know that. I will let them know that you have to face your problems, but you don’t have to do it alone. There is plenty of help out there, whether it’s friends and family, your employer, your doctor or a barrage of other professionals and agencies. The world is actually quite a kind place with kind people in it, and many people will help you selflessly and gently on your way through life.
To receive this selfless and gentle help only has one price – and that is to give selfless and gentle help when the time comes to help someone else.
Sometimes selfless help is in the form of a comforting word to a crying stranger, giving someone the benefit of one of your talents and skills or simply giving someone the time of day. It’s about reaching out, person to person, to lend your strength to others to help them find their own.
It’s not about being weak or soft.
We were all babies once, dependant and helpless. We sometimes return to that fragile state during times of trouble and pain, to ease the inner burden. Isn’t it wonderful to know that there will always be someone there to help hold your head above the water?
You won’t drown. Not if you ask for help in the right places, and not if you also help yourself. Give yourself the time of day, give yourself the benefit of your talents and give yourself a comforting word. 

Selfless self-love.
Beautiful.

Taking Control

I’ve let myself surrender over the last few weeks. I gave way to powerlessness and fear.

It’s ok to let go sometimes, to become the wild woman. The ‘undesirable’ and ‘unacceptable’ nature of a woman, all women, isn’t predictable and it isn’t pretty.
 

We sink. We sink deep, deep down into the Earth between the roots and the rocks, the warrens and the worms.
 

We cry, we scream, we glaze over. Pain and anguish gives way to worry and anxiety, and that in turn becomes a self-soothing numbness in the depths of our soul. It’s a quiet, unsteady silence that inside is deafening. It drowns out reality.

I sometimes feel my maternal ancestors must have been so strong, so much stronger than me.  They battled through wars, plagues, hunger and pain. They craved out an existence in a harsh landscape and survived. They gave birth to life without comforts, without medicine, in a time when birth often equated to death.
I don’t always feel worthy of their genetics, of their legacy.
But that primal survival instinct does exist within me, within us all. That legacy is there- we are strong.
We survive.
Maybe our hardships are not the same as that of our ancestors. But they fought so that we, their future daughters, could have peace. We will always have hardships, just of a different kind as the world develops.
The dark goddess comes out to play in the night, and with her we can stand with our heads held high - Dreadful and unforgiving, but tall and merciless.

I Am Grateful

I am grateful for my overall health
I am grateful for my ankle healing
I am grateful for friends
I am grateful for the help I have received
I am grateful for my mental health
I am grateful for my creativity
I am grateful for my family
I am grateful for my cat
I am grateful for love
I am grateful for shelter
I am grateful for time to heal
I am grateful for colour
I am grateful for Summer
I am grateful for the promise of Autumn
I am grateful for books
I am grateful for laughter
I am grateful for the ability to make choices
I am grateful for education and learning
I am grateful for beautiful things
I am grateful for tea
I am grateful for the dawn

I Have Permission

I have permission to make my own choices.
I have permission to be in complete control.
I have permission to give up and hand over my power.
I have permission to be strong.
I have permission to take the time to heal.
I have permission to be everything.
I have permission to be nothing.
I have permission to be wild.
I have permission to be calm.
I have permission to fly.
I have permission to fall.

I have permission because I give myself permission.